A commitment to stop abuse: the NSPCC is our charity for 2014

Here at The Terrace in Taunton we have, for a number of years now, ‘adopted’ a charity with whom we work for a year and for whom we raise funds at various events. In the past we have supported bibic and St Margaret’s Somerset Hospice and both remain dear to our hearts. However, in 2013 we announced that we would be raising funds for the NSPCC and for the first time we are continuing that support into a second year. Why? Well the work we know they are doing to support our children and young people is getting more important as time passes, and technology develops that offers more opportunities for abuse to those intent on exploiting children. The government of the day always says they will put in place new rules and regulations to prevent those intent on ‘grooming’ girls and boys. But still it continues.

Child sexual exploitation rings have been uncovered in the big cities and most recently there have been big court cases involving perpetrators in  Rochdale and Oxford. It is hard to believe that this could happen in other, more rural areas such as here in the south-west of England where we assume communities are closer and we would notice if such a thing were happening. Many of those young people who fall victim to these gangs are vulnerable in some way – perhaps in local authority care or in a family where parental controls are not in place.

This is not the case. It is important to realise that  some abusers are brazen enough to approach young people in town centres in the middle of the day. They hang around schools, pick a ‘target’ and offer attention, making the young person feel special and taking them for coffee, flattering them in exchange for their mobile phone number.  An older man may make an under-age teenager feel they are more mature than their peers and encourage them to believe they are in a genuine relationship by showering them with expensive gifts.

The NSPCC offers support not only to young people but to parents and carers, to ensure we as adults recognise the signs and take action. We need to be on the look out for a change in habits, expensive items that we know our child could not have afforded, or a sudden need for secrecy about where they are going and who they are seeing. The young person may not perceive the behaviour of the man (it is rarely women, but not impossible so take nothing for granted) to be abusive and this can inevitably lead to friction so the NSPCC can be there for all sides, as can a counsellor or psychotherapist with particular skills in family mediation.

So this year we will once again be highlighting the work this wonderful charity does and working to raise funds for them. It is vital that we work hard to eradicate opportunities for the shocking abuse that can wreck young lives.

Go the NSPCC website  here for phone numbers to use to report a concern or for support in a crisis.

The Terrace Taunton offers support to families and to children and young people. See our website at www.the-terrace.co.uk for more details.

‘Sexting’ – how we must make sure young people know how to ‘Zipit’…

Here at The Terrace we are keen to promote charities that work to support children and protect those that are vulnerable, or who find themselves in situations that could leave them open to abuse and exploitation. We support the NSPCC as our chosen charity and run regular events to raise money for them, maintaining close links with the representative of the charity in the South West.

But it seems that we, as a society can never do enough. Those who want to abuse or place young people in the way of danger seem to find new ways to avoid detection and social media offers endless opportunities to put pressure on those with access to the internet to behave in ways that are harmful.

In the coming weeks we will be highlighting areas of concern that have been mentioned in the press, or which are part of good safeguarding practice. If you are a parent, a professional working with young people, or a young person we hope these posts will make you think and offer ways of identifying possible abuse. They will also offer you ways to address the issue.

Today we focus on ‘sexting’ – which generally refers to the sending and receiving of texts including pictures of young people naked, in their underwear or in sexual positions. It also includes text messages or videos of a sexual nature. They might be sent from a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend or a stranger met online. Often it starts as an innocent conversation, but can rapidly go further than one party intended it to.

The charity Childline receives many calls from young people in deep distress  – images of them may have ‘gone viral’ at school or in their community, causing deep embarrassment at least, and at worst a wish to run away or even to commit suicide. Matters are now particularly acute, as a Childline survey showed that 6 out of 10 children own a smartphone, offering instant access to such pictures and messages.

Childline gives the example of one  17-year-old boy who told them sexting was “pretty normal” among his friends.

“My friends and I talk very openly about our experiences within our relationships, and the sort of things we’ve sent each other. It seems like everyone’s doing it…Someone saw a video message I had sent to a previous girlfriend, took a screen shot and posted it online. They called me a pervert and lots of people I knew saw it….I was completely devastated and, to be honest, almost suicidal.”

Isn’t it shocking that we allow such a thing to become a ‘normal’ experience for our children, many of whom are not yet teenagers?

Our nominated charity, the NSPCC, commissioned a report which was published as long ago as May 2012. Findings showed:

• the primary technology-related threat comes from peers, not ‘stranger danger’
• sexting is often coercive
• girls are the most adversely affected
• technology amplifies the problem by facilitating the objectification of girls
• sexting reveals wider sexual pressures
• ever younger children are affected
• sexting practices are culturally specific

This indicates that where many parents protect their children effectively from ‘stranger danger’, they do not take sufficient account of peer pressure.

Childline has developed a phone app called ‘Zipit’ which offers the opportunity for a young person to send an appropriate response to any ‘sexting‘ they receive – a witty ‘killer comeback’ that gives them control. Essentially though, we need to ensure that schools take responsibility for education children and young people about the dangers of sending sexy images or messages using their phone. We also need to encourage them to check out the Childline website which has a terrific section on how to deal with a situation that makes them feel uncomfortable. It is all about defusing the pressure that they feel coming at them from their peers.

So we must all make ourselves aware of the issue and recognise that we as adults are not always innocent in this area. Celebrities have been caught out tweeting images of themselves in compromising positions and something that we feel comfortable sending as a flirty message may feel very different when it is read at the other end of the ‘line’.

So take a look at all the great information on the websites of children’s charities. Awareness of these issues is a great start.

 

The many faces of autumn….

On ‘let’s talk’ we occasionally look at the way we sense our feelings are reflected in the work of artists, poets, film-makers and writers. Creativity and mood are very closely linked and many who find no other way to express their feelings find an outlet in creative expression.

The season is now definitely changing. We have temperatures in the late ‘teens, gentle warmth still lingers and any sunlight seems to glow across the landscape in a gentler fashion than in the height of summer. But there is little doubt that dusk is coming earlier and more of us are waking up for work before the sun has risen above the horizon.

Autumn means different things to different people. Many love it – the smell of bonfires, of the earth and the ripe fruit. Others find it lowering, having a sense of things dying and of the coming end of yet another year. Those who experience Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D) come to dread the lower light levels and the feeling of darkness closing in.

As we know, more than one thing can be ‘true’. We can choose ‘To Autumn’ by John Keats to enjoy the sensual pleasures of the season and revel in the ‘last oozings’ of the year. Here is a reading by actor Ben Wishaw:

Or we can approach it like  François-René de Chateaubriand in Memoires D’outre Tombe

“A moral character is attached to autumnal scenes; the leaves falling like our years, the flowers fading like our hours, the clouds fleeting like our illusions, the light diminishing like our intelligence, the sun growing colder like our affections, the rivers becoming frozen like our lives–all bear secret relations to our destinies.”

But for an expression of BOTH truths, how about the words of Edward Thomas in one of his two poems entitled ‘Digging’…

To-day I think
Only with scents, – scents dead leaves yield,
And bracken, and wild carrot’s seed,
And the square mustard field;

Odours that rise
When the spade wounds the root of tree,
Rose, currant, raspberry, or goutweed,
Rhubarb or celery;

The smoke’s smell, too,
Flowing from where a bonfire burns
The dead, the waste, the dangerous,
And all to sweetness turns.

It is enough
To smell, to crumble the dark earth,
While the robin sings over again
Sad songs of Autumn mirth.

Those ‘sad songs of autumn mirth’ are with us now. Live with them and enjoy them.

How do you approach the season? What does it mean to you? We would love to hear your views.

By popular demand – a digest of our ‘Relationship tips of the week’

For the past three months or so The Terrace has been sharing a ‘Relationship tip of the week’ on Facebook each Friday. Short sentences of supportive words to take into the weekend, they have proved very popular so we thought a digest of tips might be useful. Perhaps you have missed one or two, or are new to our Facebook page. Or maybe you are a fan and would like to see them all together for the first time….

So – here they are. Not all of them will have meaning for you, but something will resonate and we would love to know what your feelings are as you read them. Is there a topic you would like Jane to cover? Could they be shorter? Longer? Clearer? Would you like more than one a week?  Do comment below (or better still, ‘like’ our Facebook page to comment each week) and we will be certain to take everything you say into account as we continue to offer the words for the weekend, and for life.

‘Change takes time – change needs patience, care and attention.’

‘Constant joke making and laughing can deflect from saying what you think. Reflect – what is the function of making jokes all the time. What am I avoiding saying?’

‘Forming a shared dream is a relationship maker’

‘Do I look away when I am saying something which I find difficult? Check yourself out.’

‘Am I feeling gratitude for what I do have in my relationship? If not, think of 5 gratitudes. See what difference this makes.’

‘Less is more – going on and on does not work. Figure out what you would like to say, shave it down to one ‘digestible’ sentence, then say it.’

‘Speaking loudly does not get us heard. Speaking softly but clearly gives us a better chance of being heard.’

‘Being assertive is different from being aggressive. We need to be assertive to say what we believe in.’

‘People come together through their similarities, but they grow an intimate relationship through managing their differences.’

‘Taking your time is no sin! Reflective responses can hold true meaning.’

‘If I am not saying who I am, and what I stand for, then the other cannot know me…’

‘Communicating anger is well done when you are no longer feeling it. …’

‘Notice – am I listening? Or just formulating my response? Listen, receive the information, and then see how you would like to respond.’

‘What is important is what the other hears and takes in – not what you say. Check what they have heard. It may be different from what you intended to say….’

(From Jane Gotto, UKCP Reg Psychotherapist & Founder of The Terrace)

Acupuncture for Health

At The Terrace we are keen to ‘demysify’ some of the therapies that may still be something of a mystery to many. Complimentary therapies can offer wonderful health benefits, but it is important that anyone considering a treatment is fully informed about what to expect.

So today we look at acupuncture.

Acupuncture has been practised in China for about 3,500 years, although the exact date of its origin is not known.  A legend says that this complex healing system developed when it was noticed that soldiers who survived arrow wounds in battle sometimes also recovered from other long-standing ailments. In the intervening years it has been thoroughly researched and practised. Indeed, one-quarter of the world’s population rely on it.

However, there are some who are still reluctant to try acupuncture as a therapy. We are fortunate, here at The Terrace, to have an exceptionally well-qualified and committed practitioner working with us.

Alison Courtney, registered acupuncturist and Chinese herbalist for 20 years, has returned from Guangzhou in China having received high recognition after successfully completing her MSc in Chinese medicine.

Alison is passionate about the therapeutic effects of acupuncture, using the traditional magnetic methods of pulse and tongue observation. Imbalances are addressed by inserting fine needles into acu-points to restore health and harmony.  Some key conditions treated include tension or migraine headaches, back and neck pain, osteoarthritis and temporomandibular pain.

Her observational methods include an  inspection of your tongue, skin texture and colouring, hair texture, posture and movement. Voice is also important.

A full medical history will be taken and an understanding of lifestyle, stresses and sleep patterns is key.

Some people worry that acupuncture is painful, but it is primarily relaxing and you may be left feeling so relaxed that sleepiness is the main response. Fine. disposable needles are used and left in for between just a few minutes to up to half an hour, depending on the condition treated. Most people find it painless, although there may be a slight tingling sensation at the point of entry as the ‘meridians’ or acupuncture points transfer energy and re balance. Give yourself plenty of time, avoid strenuous activity and, if possible, rest for a while.

Alison is offering you a free 20 minutes to talk about any health concern and gauge whether acupuncture could be helpful for you.  You can come into The Terrace at a pre-arranged time or have a telephone call.

Ring 01823 338968 to speak with Alison,  or email post@the-terrace.co.uk

 

Have you seen ‘My Life As a Dog’? A film full of life lessons…

‘My Life as a Dog’ is a Swedish film released in 1985 and having just had the privilege of watching it I realised what a truly touching film Swedish director Lasse Hallstrom has created.

In brief, the film is an examination of the adult world through the eyes of an 11-year-old boy in the late ’50s. Ingemar is sent to stay with relatives in the country when his mother becomes seriously ill, and ‘learns valuable lessons about love, separation and growing up’ from the local characters that populate the film.

I loved the resourcefulness of Ingemar (played by Anton Glazenius) who shows great resilience even in the face of tragic life changing events.

This is a classic film; a worldwide hit when it was first released and it continues to delight on DVD in Swedish with English subtitles (which are not at all intrusive). If you are interested in appreciating some wonderful characterisation, great writing and the ways in which the adult world imposes itself on children, this is 1 hour and 40 minutes not to be missed.